Thanks to FOX News and highly credible voices like StoptheACLU.org, the news is out that ACLU has declared War on Christmas.

It's true. In fact, I have just returned from our War Room where ACLU's brightest minds are spending this final weekend before the holiday plotting to kill Christmas. Atop every mountain we've secretly placed an army of green grinches prepared to sled down on Christmas morning into towns across America to steal presents from toddlers.

Don't believe it? I tell you I've seen the secret grinch training facilities.

The War Room for Operation Kill Christmas lies in a bunker deep underground. That's also where we keep all our Communists. I know most of you thought Communism was dead after the fall of the Berlin Wall. It's not true. They're all huddled deep underground in our secret ACLU bunker.

It was the Communists, in fact, perhaps predictably, who came up with the idea of taking the War on Christmas to the next level involving actual armed struggle.

You heard it here first: ACLU plans to assassinate Santa Claus.

We can't be stopped. Our sleeper cells are already in place. Two of his elves are actually ACLU operatives who entered the North Pole illegally and got jobs using fake IDs.

We're also well underway implementing our plan to pepper churches with radicals who are intentionally undermining Christmas from within. Take a look at this commentary from one of ACLU's stealthy minions strategically planted within Christianity:

Here's a prime example of how the religious right claims war is being waged against Christmas: Target no longer uses the word "Christmas" in their holiday advertising campaign. Yep. A retailer no longer tries to make cash by exploiting Jesus. That sounds like good news to me. Christmas shouldn't be a marketing tool. Christians should be praising Target instead of threatening to boycott them.

See how this Christian blogger worked in the anti-capitalist theme, "Christmas shouldn't be a marketing tool"? That's those clever Communists again. They never miss a beat.

Finally, since the investigative sleuths at StoptheACLU.org have already broken the story through their in-depth, front-line reporting, I can reveal the secret ACLU Homeland Holiday Advisory System. I don't know their sources (obviously there's a traitor in our midst), but it's true. This came straight out of our secret grinch training manual. It's the exact warning system we use in the War Room to gauge the level of Christmas threat:

stoptheaclu christmas barometer

Originally posted by Scott Henson
on ACLU of Texas' Liberty Blog